Security Blanket

I find myself unprepared for complete immersion in a foreign (to me) society. I don't really think anyone can be truly prepared until they have experienced it. The feelings that follow are not original, almost everyone that expatriates must at some point undergo a transition similar to this, but they are new feelings to me, and those are what I came to find, so I'll expound. I thought I was ready for it, have thought that for a long time – yesterday I found myself wondering if I was. There are so many little things that no one, and I mean NO ONE, can realize they will miss until they're gone. Like that movie with Chris Rock and Anthony Hopkins that I flipped to and couldn't understand the dubbed dialogue or even the title, which escapes me to my horror (wifi aided edit: Bad Company). Although I have spent the better part of the last 6 years complaining about the utter consumerization of American life, it occurred to me today while I was watching Japanese commercials interrupting some Japanese gameshow that understanding the language and writing in something so mundane (and in many cases, evil) as commercials is very comforting. This is, of course, symptomatic of the larger, all-encompassing issue of my (near) complete illiteracy in the society in which I now live, but it stands up as its own anathema. Even though I generally hate most of what is being said, I took for granted my ability to comprehend it and even form an opinion. Which is not to say I have not formed opinions about the clips I see on Japanese TV, because I love them, but I might not feel the same way if I had any idea what they were saying. It is more comfort than you might know simply to understand the things you hear and read at every given point during your day, even if you choose to ignore them or, as in my cynical position, dislike them. I did learn that Waterworld will be playing sometime soon on the same channel as the Chris Rock movie. Wish I knew when to tune in.

Every day of training I actually feel more comfortable with the material, and I'm getting used to the workday. I'm less tired every day – in the morning and after work at night. It's midnight right now and I'm still alive and awake enough to write this, whereas last night I took a nap at 10:30 and turned it in to a sleep when I woke again briefly at 11. But my brain feels a bit muddled. Even now I am having a terrible time trying to remember some word that I love to use that I want to use, which I will hopefully scrounge up from one willing source or another when I arrive on the interweb in a matter of minutes. Before I continue, let me say my discomfort, like this brain fart, is not consuming me, nor will it last forever (edit: ANECDOTE). Don't read too much in to this and go getting worried or sad, because there's no cause here for either. But it's worth documenting, for you and for me.

And fear not, for I am enjoying myself more and more by the day here and learning how to exist here, but there is a general unease, for lack of a better word, that now travels with me as I go about my business. Everything I do now requires exponentially more energy in the form of concentration (and for my training in the form of energy) than it has for many years. I tried to go grocery shopping yesterday, and I did make it home with enough food to last me the rest of my week here in Okayama, but even that was a challenge. Everything has pictures or little windows allowing the shopper to see what they're considering turning in to their dinner, but the array is so vastly different than what I'm used to, and something else new has dawned on me: during grocery shopping we often rely on details printed on the package to make our decisions between products with slightly different features. Are these eggs fertilized or un-? I hope un-. Safer not to buy. Is this particular fish safe to eat raw? Better not guess. I came home with a package of shiitake mushrooms (must've misunderstood something; they cost twice what I thought I read), a frozen pack of pre-made gyoza, a chicken breast, some lemonade (lightly sparkling, to my surprise), a just-add-water curry, and some instant rice. Very tasty stuff, to be sure, but I was rather daunted by their acquisition. When I laugh at myself now, which I do many times a day, it's as if I'm laughing that I thought I could handle this gracefully. When in Japan, do as the Japanese do, and the Japanese are definitely laughing. I find myself clinging to the bubble of familiarity that is my co-trainees (and roommates, currently) and even my trainers. It is the only place I feel truly comfortable right now, and it will disperse itself at the conclusion of this Saturday evening.

Pride and Prejudice

At the end of training tonight our trainers told us about a tasty pizza/pasta restaurant nearby and recommended their calzones. So Kirk (co-trainee) and I decided to give it a shot. We found the place okay, it was just past the mcdonald's on the other side of the hall, also happened to be just next door to a dried octopus hanging outside some restaurant like a wearied kite, presumably enticing hungry customers in to its sinewy embrace. Yes, table for two (used fingers not words). The man made sure we understood the no smoking policy and took us directly to a table around the corner in the very back. I thought if it was a western food establishment it would be good for business to see westerners enjoying the wares. Silly me. We managed to order a beer and a calzone apiece with little incident, despite not knowing what ¾ of the words our waitress said meant. When she brought my calzone she said something long-windedly, the only bit of which I understood was “gomen-nasai”. Somehow our meals had not arrived at readiness at the same time. We worked past it. The calzone was all it was promised to be, and when we were done we thought the leftovers might make a nice lunch tomorrow. I thought I had remembered something about taking leftovers not being a good idea around here, but I wasn't sure and I had enjoyed my calzone enough to want to continue enjoying it tomorrow, so I agreed that Kirk should try. Which he did. She made a noise and said something quickly before leaving the table. Several looks back at us around the corner and a few minutes later she came back and said something that seemed to be in the affirmative and took our plates. Well. Guess we learned our lesson on that one. We got our leftovers (after several more minutes waiting), we got the free after-dinner tea our patronage earned us, and we even got cards for a free drink the next time we come in. But it was clearly not the thing to do. All we could do was laugh to ourselves, pride already swallowed. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow.

Training was long. I went to bed too early last night and woke up at 7 this morning, almost 2 hours before my alarm was set to go off. Dammit. I have been looking forward so much to not having to be at work until 10 or after (I got my real schedule today and I start at 11 on Tuesdays, 12 Wed-Fri, and 10 Sat), and now that it's here I'm still stuck in 8-5 work mode. Dammit. It's going to be difficult adjusting to this thing I've been craving. The training is intense, but the trainers are doing their best to only put pressure where pressure is necessary. The atmosphere is convivial; jokes abound, even if they are downright hokey. Wearing slippers for most of my day is so awesome. It is SO much more comfortable than shoes all the time. I have already noticed my feet continually looking uncharacteristically clean. We have a lot of work to do tonight, a sample lesson to prepare and packets to read. Singing ditties is a considerably more significant portion of this job than I was led to believe. Every transition between activities has its own song, some of them two. It all feels very overwhelming right now, but I know it will fall in to place when I'm actually having to do it. Preparation only takes me so far, as I learned when I moved to Japan after mentally preparing for it for so many months.

Bars Don't Close Here

Last night I wandered/barhopped Okayama with Tim (the guy who's been here for a year already) and Alex (co-trainee) until 4:30 in the morning. And when I say barhopped I mean two bars that cater to and are mostly populated by foreigners. There is no last call here. I think I'm going to like Japan. The beers are small and cost the same as pints in the U.S., but it's Japanese beer. They also import a bunch of liquors to these bars and charge ¥600 a shot for such delicacies as Canadian Club and Old Crow. Jack Daniels costs the same. The “original cocktails” are mostly varied combinations of orange juice and sugary liqueurs, the only name of one I can recall I deciphered as “Toeface”. The bartender at Aussie Bar didn't particularly understand why we wanted a straight shot of tequila. Needless to say I did not order any original cocktails, but this morning (read: 3pm when I woke up) I drank some of the so called orange juice that had been provided for us by our generous company, which by all outside appearances was just a normal carton of OJ. So I was surprised to find that I could see through it as I poured it in to my mug. It looks, and tastes, like Tang. Anyways I think that last night is just what I needed to feel a little more at home here. With the exception of a morning spent trudging through the rain and humidity to the historic castle and famous gardens that reside here in Okayama (to but not in – we weren't ready to pay) with my co-trainees, I had mostly been hiding in my room and only leaving to have halting interactions with convenient store workers as I floundered my way through a purchase, living in a state of utter culture shock, which I hadn't even realized until I tore my way out of it a little bit. This was my first time actually going out and sitting somewhere and just sort of letting it sink in. Granted I was still totally in a safety net since we only went to gaijin bars where the bartenders speak decent enough english (at the bar Pinball one of them put on a video of his Blues Brothers cover band Skull at one of their performances and told me he loves Elvis before telling me his name, which I promptly forgot) and there was almost no one out on a Sunday night, but even that made me feel a little more like I'm here and still a person. I'm sure bonding with a couple of new friends didn't hurt either. I woke up feeling contented and ready to try my hand at something new. I am still pretty crippled by the language barrier and my lack of understanding of the culture in which I now live, and it's going to take time and serious effort to improve that, but I feel more prepared to deal with it today than I did yesterday or the day before.

So I made my first venture in to a Japanese restaurant (other than Mister Donut for breakfast yesterday). There are lots of pictures and plastic models of all the dishes at all the restaurants, for which I am eternally grateful, as even with them I still rarely know what it is I'm about to eat. So I walk just inside the sliding glass door of this restaurant and immediately to my right is a big thing that looks like one of those lottery ticket machines in the grocery store, and the only english on it is a big arrow that says “Take Out” pointing to a blue button just above the several rows of other buttons. Mercifully, there was a poster with pictures and names of dishes plastered on the window, even a couple of english names. So I picked the “Beef over Rice Bowl” and managed to find a button with matching characters on it. I put in my money and pushed the button and out came my change and a little ticket, which I took with me to my seat at the wraparound bar that comprised the seating area. The nice lady came and said something I didn't understand and gave me a glass of water and ripped off the perforated half of my ticket. Shortly thereafter I had a steaming bowl of food that smelled like exactly what I wanted to eat. This picture had been the biggest on the poster, I think it's their flagship dish. Cost me ¥480 and came with a bowl of miso soup that I burned my tongue on, and I'm stuffed. I'm working up to actually having to interact with a waitperson for the duration of a meal.

Training starts tomorrow.



addendum: as I am sitting on this bench rereading this before posting a stream of men in black slacks and white dress shirts wearing yellow nametags just poured out of a nearby Reception Hall and walked down the stairs behind me. This train station is connected to the convention center. Last night as I was packing up to leave it was an outflow of professionally dressed women from a different nearby door. OOH man even more men than the first salvo, this time wearing jackets and slightly varied shirt colors, the Hall must be huge!

Made it!

It's 4:12 pm here in Okayama and I finally figured out a name for my blog. It'll do. And without further ado, the post I penned last night before falling asleep technology-in-hand:

I just finished eating a tartar sauce/fried fish-product(?)/cheese cube sandwich and some pizza flavored chips from the convenient store and am now back in my home for the next week. We've probably been here for about an hour now and I am reaching deliriousness, so I probably shouldn't take up that offer to go to a bar with some future coworkers (who didn't just arrive from halfway around the world), but I did want to write down some thoughts from the day before I lose them in the death sleep that is about to ensue.

The flight was not bad, I watched a couple of movies a couple of times, slept a bit, ate some airplane food and talked to the 19 year old sitting next to me, all of which passed the time well. Over the course of the flight, I ran the gamut of emotions that I have been feeling about this trip over the past few months twice over. Apprehension, doubt, reassurance, excitement. Add elation. It was strangely cyclical. It's like I've been going through them all on tighter and tighter timelines until the last one that took about half an hour for the whole thing. My first thought when I got off the plane was “it's HUMID”. I had plenty of time to reflect on this in the un-air-conditioned customs line. Got my bags and promptly confused myself and was waved down and hurried out of the baggage claim area by a very short lady wearing a mask. By the time I found the trainer who was waiting for us my back was drenched in sweat and there were huge dark patches of the stuff on the front of my shirt, and I was literally dripping with sweat. Great first impression, I'm sure. Forward my bags to Nagano, have my first taste of how little Japanese I know at the counter. After changing shirts we got on a bus that ended up suspiciously vacant that was to take us to Okayama, where I'll be training for the next week. There are only 4 of us in my training group, which I understand is exceedingly minimal, but we had a good bus ride gleaning information from the trainer, with a 10 minute rest stop break to separate the two halves of the 3 hour ride to get here. I bought fries out of a vending machine. Ate half of them, two of them were cold in the middle. They were just convenient store french fries. It is so humid here. The bus was hot too. Got here, got the spiel, went out for the aforementioned snax, and briefly bonded with the aforementioned coworker (well, same company at least, probably won't see much of him during my year though). I already saw some funny signs, including a truck for some unknown company whose name was abbreviated ASS on its side. I can read Hiragana and Katakana, I just have no idea what any of it means. And thus far my conversation has been strictly limited to “arigato”. Who knows how many people I've already offended. I have the next 2 days to do what I want, and I guess I'll probably just try to explore Okayama, most likely look for sushi. I am holding on to “Wakarimasen” (I don't understand) and “Gomen-nasai” (I'm sorry), and I'm sure I'll be needing them both almost constantly for the next little while. I haven't reset my watch yet, so although it's now 1030pm here, I know that it's 630am in Santa Rosa. Weird. I'll have to post this on my tomorrow when I go to the Seattle's Best a block from here that I have been informed is the nearest free wireless. I've already had the urge to take pictures of half a dozen things, but I'm just trying to be a little patient. There will be unending sources for pictorial examples of what I'm living around. Anyways I'll start tomorrow.